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Bumblebee dances in your brain
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 5th, 2009|04:22 pm] |
mexico was beautiful. awesome to see family. got to see my brother it was chill. drove everywhere, saw some ruins went to a wedding, got somewhat of an awkward tan, ate alot of food, go to carrie babies and play with kids, walked, shared, loved, slept, ate... etc.
im fuckin tired right now. i saw eddie halliwell last night, omg he raped the turntables and knobs and wow, i cant even explain it. he blew my mind. hes a funny guy. i took a bunch of pictures of people like always but i talked more, usually im bored especially at spin but i met a couple people. this guy had a D60, and he liked my flash so i let him borrow it for a min. thats the camera i need his pictures are waaaaay better than mine. i cant explain it.The beggining of the night was ok but later on it was tight. i sat in the Dj booth and watched Eddie. i stood on the outside of the Dj booth and i turned around and a couple guys were snorting coke it was funny cuz they werent stealthy about it and this guy i was talking to before was on the other side and we both looked at each other and laughed. they asked me if i wanted some but i said no. fucking bryan was drunk as all hell and messed up a whole lot after eddie. all of us felt terrible we were in agony watching him. i figured that was because eddie had was a completely different set up and bryan doesnt use all that stuff so im sure he ws confused as to what he was doing. but it was terrible omg i felt like i was gonna cry cuz he kept messing up. even Eddie was helping him mix until they changed the system and bryan was all good.
im waiting for chris to hit me up so i can go over the phillys house. i want to go to winterfresh but at the same time i know it isnt a good idea, i have a gut feeling that i know i shouldnt go at all and thats what im going to do. just gonna hang out with my babe and go home early. |
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| yum |
[Nov. 25th, 2009|11:33 am] |
chris and i had sex yesterday. he didnt want to ask dizzle to not come in with the door closed but he texted him so it was all good. i did get a bit annoyed at him cuz he didnt want to do it. but i bugged him to just text Diz and he did. Diz and Corrie were having sex anyway so it helped. but the sex was tight, 3 times lol. wow i just zoned out for a minute... mmmmm sex. ugh i want more now lol. his dick is a good size, not too small not too big. a tiny bit bigger and it would be awesome. but still the sex was awesome. ^_^. hung out with diz and corrie and stickam'd. i miss chris, i dont know what im going to do for a week without him. sex makes everything better lol.
saw two movies at home yesterday. 1 was julie and julia, i want to find that chicks blog and see if there was more in that. other one was Orphan, crazy twist and they ended it great. lol dad freaked out about his button being lost and i found it and it shut him up. funny stuff. |
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| frustrated? |
[Nov. 23rd, 2009|02:08 pm] |
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im just pissed at the fact that chris and i havent had sex yet and it feels like he isnt trying. i need to edit pics today, but of course dads crap is always first. i dont know why im so pissed. im annpyed i need to get things down on my time. i want sex, and chris sleeping on the couch doesnt help either. i find the greatest bf's dont i? fuck this, man. |
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| menstruation |
[Nov. 11th, 2009|10:57 pm] |
sucks.
my brain sucks.
im loosing a couple friends i think? michele is acting weird lately. i hate my car. i hate having a camera that i understand and dont at the same time. i want a better camera. D50 or 60 would of been nice. i want more money so i can actually get something i want. i HATE that i spend most of my money on drugs. its my fault i know. i didnt understand the value of it or credit cards... fuck that, everything happens for a reason.
.everything.happens.for.a.reason. everything.
i need to figure shit out. i wish it could be easier.
i think i have anxiety. i think i have alot of things. i dont ever let myself out anymore. i am a different person inside than i am outside and she is trapped. i want to get her out so bad. so bad. i need to figure out a way. |
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| rant |
[Nov. 11th, 2009|07:37 pm] |
so i guess brandon isnt interested in me but im over it. chris and i are doing well. hes adorable we like each other alot.
im editing pics from movie night. ive been thinking about myself and how i want to look. i wanna get plugs for my ears but not too big. i still want to paint my hair crazy colors but hats gonna have to wait. ive realized i do things im supposed to later. im way behind my age and im slowly realizing things, i guess its always going to be like this. my brother might not even stay home for college which leaves me in te dus with my parents. i dont know what to do or what job to get. but i have to find something. but whatev. i really want to exceed in photography and i know i can do it but its so complicated and all the other people that want to too its rediculous. but this is my rant. i believe in Ohm now. i want to meditate but i dont know why i havet. i want to work out more but the lazyness is just blocking me. i have a wall surrounding me. i have to figure out a way to crash it down. |
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| im crazy |
[Nov. 2nd, 2009|09:03 am] |
so now im going out with chris lol. SD chris to be exact. dont know why but hes adorable. we get along. but hes out of a job, parents arent alive, he was born a meth child, has no family, basically his friends are his family. yeah. i not saying its terrible but i dont even know what im trying to say. i always get the guys with the crazy backgrounds but alright personalities. he stopped drinking for a bit too. im glad cuz he acts like a dumbass and is completely stupid when drunk. thats one of my things in a relationship. if you cant stop drinking or are incompitent wih it then im not dating you. but chris IS a good guy but a little lost.
i guess what im thinking is i like brandon but i dont know if he likes me. i have been playing the game where i wait for him to text me. hopefully i havent been bugging him and making him think im crazy. i always ALWAYS do that to the good ones. i dont know what it is. but if brandon does come along and says he likes me i dont know what to do cuz im already dating chris.
Chris is a sweetheart. we talk about everything. he went to a couple parties with me this weekend and that was chill as fuck. hes so sweet and shy around me which is adorable. i like playing with his butt chin lol. i like him but at the same time im trying not to get too close but were becoming close reeealy fast. its even out of my control. what im trying to do is not lead him on and then break him. bleh im digging a hole for myself. i guess we will see what happens this week.
lol and alex i havent even told him about breaking up. Mercedes, wills gf keeps telling me i should but i dont know when im going over there. its not even my first priority. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 26th, 2009|09:18 pm] |
dont know whats going on between alex and i but frankly I dont really care. i tried hangin out with him since ive gotten back but hes always"busy" but whatever i didnt have much strong feelings for him anyway.
I hung out with brandon today, hes a photographer on plurlife lol. we went on a small hike, havent hiked in a while and never went one one with a guy i like. it seems chill so far. i left a few hints here and there. hes chill as fuck, 25, has 2 jobs, amazing photographer, has his own car, a far as i know he lives on his own in north park but i dunno with who but whatev. i hope something comes out of it but if it doesnt we can still be friends ^_^. we get along great.
I got a job at burlington lol. back to being a square rat. im stoked tmrw is my first day but i stupidly said that i go to school monday and wednesday but whatever on that too. im just glad i finally have a job. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 17th, 2009|11:34 pm] |
today was chill. hung out with mike for a couple of hours and made jello shots lol. hopefully the next thing we will do is make cookies and pot cookies.i just want te cookie dough lol.
india was amazing. i cam back thursday had jet lag utill today. im not even tired but im gonna try and sleep, off to bed. |
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| XD |
[Oct. 2nd, 2009|05:20 am] |
going to India today! nervous yet excited. plane to new werk, or however u speel it, (but its not new york.) the plane ride is 5 hours. and then to india its 12 hour >_<. jet lag is going to be awesome. i'll be back in two weeks.
nocturnal was fucking great. best acid ive ever had.
lol i saw alex twice this week but not for a very long time. now im leaving for two weeks ad hes all sad about it lol. |
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| fuck it |
[Sep. 24th, 2009|01:29 pm] |
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i keep forgetting eric is a different person, like i said shar fucked him up, cocain made his life terrible, changed him completely. so whatever, whoever decides to be in my life so be it. everyone tells me this, and i keep forgetting. whatever happens happens. i cant change it and if i works it works.. their just a part of me that wants him back but i know it will never happen |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 24th, 2009|10:06 am] |
So im going out with alex its going pretty well. thing that sucks right now is eric... i though ive been doing well and not having him in my head.. until this morning. on his facebook it says "once had a girl, or should i say, she once had me." and that killed me. and then i put on my own facebook " bored in class, giving my fingers a break. reeeealy confused and bummed about something...." and he just put "eveything is coming up Milhouse!". wtf? i dont know if he misses me or is doing it on purpose. im sure he somehow does. i can really say that i felt connected with him on many levels. its pissing me off cuz i dont want to text him cuz he wont text me. its rediculous. back to the game. i need to stop thinking about him and move on. thing that sucks about alex is hes 28 lives with friends, no car, no phone, crappy job. im just pissed and confused. i do like alex. we get along but i guess i want eric back. i do. thats my secret. i seriously have been doing perfect until eric put that on his facebook. jesus.
did a background check with ross yesterday. kinda worried, kinda not. dont know what to think, but bob marley says "dont owrry, about a thing, cuz every little thing is gonna be alright." forgot how much that helps... gonna go listen to him now.
other than that, taking a typing class then whatever else i need to do for a receptionist job.
NOCTURNAL saturday!!!! stoked about that.
bob marley helps, if only eric and i could talk it would make things sorta different. i dont know what hes trying to do tho but whatever. over it. kinda. yep. |
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| boys |
[Sep. 7th, 2009|10:41 pm] |
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i just realized that to find a new guy that its going to be hard. the boys ive recently liked have nothing in mind of the future(eric neither but had some sort of perception) and have no cars. why is it so hard to find someone awesome. eric basically treated me like a princess and i miss it. he was exactly what i was looking for.. now i have to look again.... jesus. i dont think we will get back together. its going to be the same cycle, we will probably break up again probably for the same reasons, i dont know but im sure of it. sucks when something awesome comes along it dies. leesha tried to get me with alex. hes cool but not so much what im looking for, not really attracted to him, i dont even know. i know he likes me but i dont even think i do. bleh |
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| last night |
[Sep. 5th, 2009|11:09 am] |
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was tight, havent hung out with everyone in a while, it was nice. we were supposed to go to drum circles but apperently cops came early. i was with michelle and we met up with chis, paul and nick s. who were frying their balls off it was hilarious. so we hung out at cadman cuz we found out from jess that the po pos came. and then jess her bf and ryan came along. then gourde and sara did we hung out, smoked, waited an hour so i could drive and we went to marine street. it was nice, hung out lughed and did whatever else. just a happy night |
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| mehr |
[Sep. 1st, 2009|09:04 pm] |
so tony and i haad sex, it was a bit awkward, i dont feel like it with him. we were together a long time ago, but now i dunno. i feel better if were just really good friends. i guess i ca give sex another try but his ex ruined the shit out of him so hes unsure of alot of stuff.
on another note, i keep feeling like part of me wants to come out and wear differnt clothes, i want to be thinner, even tho everyone else thinks im skinny but, i want to look good in a bikini, wear tighter clothes, not the skanky kind but enoug to somewhat show my belly and not look fat. i still feel like my parent sheltered me too much. i never got the punk or the goth out of me, i believe eeryone has their phase and grows to be the person they want to be. im still stuck inside. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 31st, 2009|03:21 pm] |
i need a break from editing pictures.... 250 pics.... im almost done. street scene pics came out good i think. breeeeak. Tony had a freak out and went to the hospital from it. i saw him yesterday and hes back home now. i dont know whats going on between us but it seems like were going to have sex... im pretty sure we are lol. i dont know if i want to get bak together with him. not cuz his crazyness but i dunno, i never really go back together with my ex's. i dont remember much when we used to go out. i liked him, but i was young and stupid lol and he broke up with me cuz i kept smoking weed even tho i stopped when he asked me to. eh i dunno, like i aways say whatever happens happens.
im getting over eric, alot of people are surprised but i dunno. i texted him yesterday and he said he was bored broke and depressed so i dunno if the depressed part has to do with me... hopefully we will hang out soon tho.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 29th, 2009|11:18 am] |
street scene was tight, too bad im not going tonight. i have to take pics for Elvis's band at Soma, it'll be tight. got to see modest mouse, cake was pretty lame live, mastodon ive aleady seen them but their still good, donald g wo is always good, black eye peas were pretty good, didt see much of girl talk but it was cool, missed chromeo to see cake. i saw couple others but not much worth it. one ofthe stages where modest mouse played was reeeealy high so i couldnt get any pictures :(.
i keep thinkng of eric. i mis him 50% of the time. only way i miss him alot is when i wake up and if think of sex :p. i always want to text him but i dont know. im just gonna give him space. i dont know, i just want to see him. when i was with mike the night that it happened he told me about shar. eric told me about shar and the terribleness of it but i didnt know or think how bad it was until mike said "i loved the hippie eric but since shar she ruined him" i believe it. and eric just has to stay sober cuz his mood has changed alot. still dont know what to do exactly but whatever happens happens. i want to find a guy but at the same time im going to let it flow. i just feel empty |
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| guys |
[Aug. 28th, 2009|12:00 am] |
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i was thinking to myself. instead of going out with guys im going to date them, its so much better. i did it with yoshi and im glad it wasnt super close or it would of been crappy as hell. im gonna date for now on, if it goes well awesome, if it doesnt then no. im tired of dating crappy guys, minus eric. dating would be so much easier and im not going to have sex the first time with them. well seeing how it goes i dunno. but thats what im doing for now on. also if we date more than two months then ill go for it depending on the guy. im glad im doing thi and i hate that i think of this shit later on... :p |
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| last post didnt make much sense |
[Aug. 27th, 2009|11:41 pm] |
but it did in my head, but frankly im over it, i miss him in stuff bu not the lovey dovey sad kind of way. i mean theres so much stuff i could say like what happened to us waiting for a month for us to see each other but i dunno. its over, whatever happens, happens, but for now were over. im over it, it was lovely while it lasted, time to move on. couple peeps are like woah how did u get over it so quick, i just dont like being sad over things, im moving on. i dont know how he feels quite much about it but whatev. like i said shit happens and you move on. i sound like a bitch but truthfully i dont want to weep and worry about it. sure i do miss him im sure he misses me but theres nothing we can do about it. everything happens for a reason.
went everywhere today. went to the Union so i could try and get voluntary quit instead of fired. i went there at 12 and they werent there and on lunch so i went to mission valley to get applications. went back they will figure it out in about a week. it would be cool if it happened then it would be easier to search for jobs. hung out with mike, sara, elanore, jasmine, jerald and kat. it was cool, elanore wanted a tattoo so me cat and jasmine went, jerald got a ride home and i went on purpose with them so mike could have alone time with sara. sigh mike and sara... hmmmm. elanore didnt get her tattoo, they dropped me off at home and then i hung out with carlos at at sunrise buffet, i <3 that place. carlos and i went to the wearhouse and i hung out with the band. im stoked for saturday to take pics of them at soma. after that carlos took me to mikes and mike and i walked to cadman. talked about his love life which is everywhere right now. got there hung out with the homies it was tight. sucky tho cuz cops showed up some kinds before us were throwing alky bottles. chris and i were in the back and hung out there when everyone left and then kicke it with mike. saw phil leave and run like a bitch.i feel super bad tho cuz i was supposed to see tony at 7 at the hospital cuz he had some crazy meltdown :/. im going to street scene so cant really see him and neither saturday... bleh. |
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| shit happens |
[Aug. 25th, 2009|10:27 pm] |
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its over, were friends, the conversation was basically that. i was hoping it would be a break but its not, that would be a happy move but whatever. he made himself sound like a terrible guy, maby he is, maby the way hes talking is making me not want to be his friend, maby his good side is the side of the lover...? it sucks but i want to say whatever but it isnt whatever |
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| i feel dumb |
[Aug. 25th, 2009|09:57 pm] |
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his phone was on silent |
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